Although married at a young age, I knew a considerable amount on the subject of raising children. By the time I had three small children, and was pastoring my first church, there was almost nothing I did not know about raising children, and I was quick to preach eloquently from my vast storehouse of knowledge, but, alas, my girls soon became teenagers. Due to some quirk of fate, about that time I discovered I had not known nearly as much as I thought I did.

Many kind people tried to tell me that raising girls was far different than raising boys. Being extremely wise on the subject, I assured one and all that there was not one particle of difference. Alas again, after our youngest daughter reached the age of eighteen, a son was born to my wife and me. It didn't take long for both my wife and me to realize that raising a son was vastly different. This child was not content to sit and play quietly by the hour as the girls had been. I am thankful for an older minister in his seventies, a former college professor, who sat me down one day to warn me that boys have five primal instincts, much more pronounced in boys than in girls. They are running, jumping, throwing, hitting and climbing.

God didn't leave anything out of our boy. When he was two years old, we missed him in the house and found him wading in the river behind our house. (A twenty-one year old man had recently drowned a few feet from where our two year old was wading.)

My wife stifled her urge to scream, fearing our son would panic, and she quietly led him from the river. We find him now (six years old) in the tops of trees or jumping from the neighbor's roof, or in any number of dangerous situations.

There are some Biblical instructions, however, that work for both boys and girls.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

The promise is not to bring our children back to the way of holiness, but to keep them from departing from that way. Training a child requires a lot of love, tenderness and patience. The average father spends less than 38 seconds per day with his child, yet it is the father who is commanded by God to be the priest and instructor of the family. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 20-25)

It's true, you can make them do right for a number of years, but unless you train them to make their own decisions of righteousness, they will most likely rebel and go their own way at a certain age.

Parents must see to it that their children know they love them. It must be expressed often. A child must feel that he or she is secure in that love. If a parent does not spend time listening to the child, as well as speaking to him, the child will seek out someone else when he needs to talk. Usually that someone else is the wrong person.

Let your children know they can come to you with their hurts and disappointments.

Never tell them it's just a little thing. That problem the four year old has is just as big to him as yours would be to you if you had just lost your job or business. These are times of building confidence in you as their counselor. A beautiful working relationship can be established with your child at these times.

I heard a father say to his small daughter when she asked for a hot dog, "This is the ice cream stand, stupid." The little girl walked away, devastated. My heart ached for the child as I wondered how a father could be so heartless. Our children need to hear us affirm our confidence in them, not our disgust. A father or mother needs to be on their child's side, not on his back.

Discipline is a big factor in training a child.

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early). Proverbs 13:24

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 19:18

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15

Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13-14

The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Proverbs 29:15, 17

With all this instruction there are still those who feel they are wiser than God and refuse to spank their child when he needs it. Being a pastor in the same church for twenty years, I have seen how those undisciplined children turn out.

Discipline does not always mean spanking. It sometimes takes the form of denied privileges, etc.

Discipline must be consistent, fair, and administered with love. It would be well to remember here that the word discipline means to make a disciple, not necessarily to punish.

The devil will try to tell you that your child will grow up to hate you if you spank him. The opposite is true. When you discipline lovingly, fairly, and take time to explain the offence, and why it is wrong, your child will grow to have a great love and respect for you, as well as a sense of right and wrong.

It is so easy to become frustrated in raising children. Sometimes, it seems as they will never learn what you are trying to teach them. It is at times like these that child abuse can come into play. As a loving parent, we need to have our own emotions under control. God has promised to give us wisdom if we will come to Him, and ask Him for it. There are times when a spanking is not the right means of discipline. In fact, taking the child in our arms, letting him know of our love for him, as well as our frustration over his wrongdoing can bring very positive results.

There is additional instruction furnished in Ephesians 6:1-4, Colossians 3:19-21.

Some of the greatest security you as parents can give your child, is for him to know that Daddy and Momma are in love. One man who has been greatly used to minister to teenagers across America told of the times he and his brothers and sisters would catch their Dad and Mom on the porch swing hugging and kissing. He admitted they thought it was quite funny, yet, he realized that it also gave them a great feeling of security.

Be faithful in church attendance and serving the Lord.

Refrain from any criticism of any church leaders when your children are listening.

Do not go to church and act detached and disinterested, and then be all excited over sports and worldly events, or your children will soon get the idea that church and God are not as important as sports, entertainment, or making money.

Much more can and needs to be said, but let me close the chapter with this: never take for granted that your children share your love for holy things, or your personal high standards, but teach them, talk with them often about the holy things of God.

Lead them into making the right decisions as to holy living.

You'll never be sorry!